My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
