im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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