What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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