Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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