In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i will never coherently bang her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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