Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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