I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
