Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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