i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
