forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
