Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
