I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
