About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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