U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The Olympian is in my bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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