i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
