How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
