it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
