just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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