omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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