Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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