Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
