If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
