How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
