if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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