I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
