Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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