everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
