i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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