I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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