when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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