The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need to get me chipped asap
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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