I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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