He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
