Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My dick has a subreddit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
