Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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