bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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