Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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