Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
