I want to have your abortion
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
