I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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