Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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