chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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