he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
