After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
