well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He has the fingertips of a God
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