Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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