Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
