Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
