You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize