I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize