I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize