so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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