I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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