Someone shit on the floor
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
