I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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