And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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