Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
