No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
