You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize