Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
