i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
