no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your penis caused this!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
