dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
