Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
