In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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