everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
